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Difficult conversations : how to discuss what matters most

Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen.
  • New York : Penguin Books, 2010.
  • 10th anniversary ed., [2nd ed.]
  • xxxiii, 315 pages : illustrations; 20 cm.

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Contents
  • Problem
  • 1. Sort Out the Three Conversations
  • Shift to a Learning Stance
  • "What Happened?" Conversation
  • 2. Stop Arguing About Who's Right: Explore Each Other's Stories
  • 3. Don't Assume They Meant It: Disentangle Intent from Impact
  • 4. Abandon Blame: Map the Contribution System
  • Feelings Conversation
  • 5. Have Your Feelings (Or They Will Have You)
  • Identity Conversation
  • 6. Ground Your Identity: Ask Yourself What's at Stake
  • Create a Learning Conversation
  • 7. What's Your Purpose? When to Raise it and When to Let Go
  • 8. Getting Started: Begin from the Third Story
  • 9. Learning: Listen from the Inside Out
  • 10. Expression: Speak for Yourself with Clarity and Power
  • 11. Problem-Solving: Take the Lead
  • 12. Putting it all Together
  • Ten Questions People Ask About Difficult Conversations
  • 1. It sounds like you're saying everything is relative. Aren't some things just true, and can't someone simply be wrong?
  • 2. What if the other person really does have bad intentions---lying, bullying, or intentionally derailing the conversation to get what they want?
  • 3. What if the other person is genuinely difficult, perhaps even mentally ill?
  • 4. How does this work with someone who has all the power---like my boss?
  • 5. If I'm the boss/parent, why can't I just tell my subordinates/children what to do?
  • 6. Isn't this a very American approach? How does it work in other cultures?
  • 7. What about conversations that aren't face-to-face? What should I do differently if I'm on the phone or e-mail?
  • 8. Why do you advise people to "bring feelings into the workplace"? I'm not a therapist, and shouldn't business decisions be made on the merits?
  • 9. Who has time for all this in the real world?
  • 10. My identity conversation keeps getting stuck in either-ro: I'm perfect or I'm horrible. I can't seem to get past that. What can I do?.
Other information
  • "With a foreword by Roger Fisher"--Cover.
  • "Updated with answers to the 10 most frequently asked questions about difficult conversations"--Cover.
  • First published in the U.S.A. by Viking Penguin, 1999.
ISBN
  • 9780143118442 (pbk.)
  • 0143118447 (pbk.)
Identifying numbers
  • OCLC: 671252867
  • OCLC: 671252867